The Boondocks... or, Save Me From a Life of Dial-Up

Josh lives in a black hole more affectionately known as The Boondocks. His address doesn't even show up on Google Maps correctly. I'm convinced that there is an invisible wall of something that prevents us from communicating with the rest of the world.

Exhibit A: My Verizon phone only gets service if it's propped up in a specific window in Josh's kitchen. Sometimes I'll get a text message to send if I'm in the bedroom, but that's a rare occurrance. It's obnoxious. Verizon said that when the Alltel merger went through our service would improve. Well, to their credit, it did. Now I can get a full bar of a signal in the window as opposed to a half-bar. Wooot.

Exhibit B: We cannot get cable TV at Josh's house. The hicktown less than 3 miles down the road has a cable line running through it, but 'they' refuse to extend it to Josh's house. Honestly, we really don't care about TV. Neither one of us has that much time to sit down and watch something on a regular basis. But I have developed a love affair with PBS and Create. I'm convinced that I, too, can knit and crochet like a pro, tend a garden, cook with an Asian flair, and paint a kick-ass landscape. PBS is nothing if not inspiring. Josh just doesn't see it...

A simple solution to this problem would be to get satellite TV, right? Well, yes, that's true. However, like I said before, we don't really watch enough TV to justify paying for it. But I definitely would use the DVR if we had one... So, why am I bitching about not being able to have cable TV if we won't even watch it? That brings me to my next point.

Exhibit C: While the lack of cable TV is not a big deal, the lack of high speed cable internet is. We are completely disconnected from the rest of the world. I don't really mind that much at this point because I take advantage of the internet at work or at my parents' house, but when I move in with Josh I think it's going to become an issue. I've got needs that only the internet can fulfill: blogging, reading other people's blogs, looking at weddings... oh, and school related stuff, too. Plus, Josh has 2 online classes next semester (don't EVEN ask me why he scheduled himself 2 online classes when he knows he has no access to the internet... I got nothin'). But seriously, with both of us being in school, we kinda sorta need access to the internet.

Now, I'm sure you're saying to yourself, "Why, Ashley, if you get satellite TV you can get internet, too! Problem solved!" And I'm saying to you, "Thank you, my friend, for your wonderful suggestion that I thought of eons ago. If it were only that simple I wouldn't have a purpose for this here little post." Both Direct TV and Dish Network use internet providers that don't have availability in our area. So I just want to tell them both to kiss my ass and stop sending me promotional flyers in the mail. Also, because of the limited Verizon signal, we can't get a wireless card. We can't even get FiOS from Verizon! So, I'm beginning to think that I've exhausted my options. Please please please someone tell me something I've overlooked that will work in the Boondocks!! (and please don't suggest dial-up. I will shoot myself in the face if I have to listen to that awful high-pitched squeal and be transported back to 1996 every time I want to 'connect'.)